Posts from — December 2009

Waiting in line during our lunch date, he was staring at my mouth as I spoke. Not completely odd, given we were having a discussion, however he always looks me in the eyes. Did I have food in my teeth? Doubtful. If I did I’m sure he would have (a) picked it out (b) laughed and pointed, and told me to remove it.

“What are you looking at?” He smiles wider, his eyes look soft, sweet. “What?” “I’m just admiring your smile, and the way you laugh. I’m just loving you, jeez!” He says playfully, with faux exasperation. The moment reminds me of a quote.

“I want someone to fall in love with the way I laugh and the way I smile. I want someone to listen to the ramblings of my inner child. Someone who touches my face and brushes the hair from my eyes. I want someone who loves me or at least holds me like they do. But I only want that if it’s you.”

Cheers to lucky me, for having already found my match.

As the rain falls and cold winds blow in Boston, my daydream finds me, 5 days ahead of my here and now. Must push through another few days of work. Must fall asleep and get back up for one more week. Must drive north to Maine to celebrate the new year; indulging in what I’m sure will be way too many bottles of champagne; snapping far too many sloppy faced pictures of friends; dancing to songs and kissing as the ball drops. Must get to the new year. Must push through until January 1st.

As soon as we wake on January 1st I’ll be making my first trip (first of many, I hope) to the mountain. The mountain that in my family needs no proper name. Just the mountain. The mountain that holds all of my fondest childhood memories tight. The mountain that towers over the horizon, lit up at night by the groomers, embodying a magical presence in a small corner of Maine.

My family is Sugarloaf. They were there 50 years ago when the first group of rugged adventurers decided to cut down a few trails, they were there to found the golf course, to create the ski academy, and they are there now in memory, with charity tournaments, fundraisers, mountain roads and ski races all in their name.

Sugarloaf means everything to me. It brings me peace, happiness and the absolute greatest sense of pride. With stickers stuck on just about everything I own, I carry a piece of the mountain, and all the memories that come with it, everywhere.

The village, the people, the restaurants, the kindness, the community, the pride. I’m going back to the mountain this weekend and I have never looked forward to a trip more than this. This trip, this time… is special. It’s special because this year, is the start of the new me! Mwahaha, I know it, how exciting right? My new life, my journey to a happier place. That place of course – is my life – but what better way to start that journey than with a trip to the mountain. I’ve been gearing up for this change for almost a month. Getting ready to take off running January 1st. No more looking back.

I’ll officially kick off this journey by skiing down the largest mountain in the state, with a continuous vertical drop of nearly 3,000. The most peaceful, relaxed, “it’s just me and the world” kind of way I know. The views from the top, take my breath away, and the fun that is found in a weekend getaway unforgettable.

Cheers to the almost official start date of the awesome new me.

I decided to come into work today – despite the fact that I have almost a week’s worth of vacation time left, that will go right out the window as of January 1st. Why’d I come into work? Because I have an irrational fear of my 35 year old bossman, that’s why.

But vacation is earned and accumulated for a reason right? And that reason is of course, to take it. Nope. Maybe I’m just that stellar of an employee. Or maybe I’m still afraid of him thinking I’m a slacker.

It’s almost noon and I haven’t had a damn coffee yet. My goodness. Off I go (with my fully loaded Starbucks card, thanks Auntie!).

Did I mention I’m the only one in the office today? Yea, the entire office is on vacation.

The age old favorite DIY project: Christmas gift bags. I made these little, custom sized bags to hold all of my gifts this year! I used two pieces of fabric for this one, to add a little stripe of red. Simple to make, simple to sew, tie the top with ribbon and wah-lah!

[Photo is missing, wah.]

Cheers to a wrapping paper free Christmas.

Since sewing is one of my new favorite wanna-be past times, I took a trip to the great JoAnn’s Fabrics and purchased the brightest, coolest and coziest fabrics. I made a few different looking iPod sleeve/socks but how quick, easy and adorable is this project? Next up I must figure out how to make a flap, to hold the iPod in.

Yay.

Gloriana’s version of Silent Night has quite easily become my most ‘repeat one only’ song of this season. In last month’s ‘my world is over week’ I sat in bed and sobbed endlessly (literally, all day… and all night) and listened to just this song – on repeat. Silent Night has always been such a source of peace, I can remember listening to carolers sing this song outside of my Nana’s nursing home room the night she passed away. It was literally as if they were telling her, and our family, that it was okay to go. That night she did, and my oh my, all was sure calm, and all was bright. On the saddest day, that song brought us such peace, and light.

So I turn to that song still – it grounds me while simultaneously lifting me above all else. It’s incredible and Gloriana, aah, they just do it so beautifully.

So tonight, with glass of Merlot in hand, as I write comfortably from underneath my blankets, in a room lit by (the ever so cheesy, yet incredibly appropriate) windowsill Christmas plastic candles/lights, I feel like this song is absolutely the most perfect thing to share. This song acts not only as a pinch of happy, but my God, it’s like a whole room filled of happy.

Le sigh! Good night and sweet dreams.

Since it was just this week that I created my wish list on redbull.. I think it’s fair to say it ain’t too late to make an addition.. or four. These additions are going to be the big kickers. The ones that – although this is no longer supposed to be a wish list, and instead a lofty will list – I really can’t promise that I’ll stay true to the following. I know, I know, I know… saying “I’ll try” is lame and … according to the godlike Lululemon: “Successful people replace the words “wish”, “should” and “try” with “I will”.”

Fine then. Dearest Lululemon, I will not yet claim to be successful, but rather take pride in the fact I’m a work in progress. And being a work in progress is a really, great thing. So, without further ado, here are a few thinks I should give up, but due to their obsessive nature, I can only say that I’ll try… I mean, it’s hard to say that I can quit Facebook stalking cold tofurkey! C’mon people! I will, I will, I will… try.

• I will… try… to never violate the privacy of my beloved beau.
• I will… try… to stop looking at my beloved beau’s ex-girlfriends’ Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, YouTube, Tumblr, blog (you get the point).
• I will… try… to lay off my beloved beau. I did after all fall in love with him for many, many reasons. And the fact that on any given night he may prefer to do his laundry and go to bed early, go out and party with his friends, or even sit on his couch in his boxers and play online poker, should not (and will not?) lead me to ever, ever believe that he loves me any less. Annnd, such previously discussed stag nights might just do me a little good too. We all deserve alone time to refresh and recharge right?
• I will… try… to stop believing that my life is over, that I’m having a mental break down, and that I ought to be institutionalized. This is just your week before your period little tantrum. IT WILL NOT LAST! IT WILL NOT LAST! IT WILL NOT LAST! Each month I experience this dreaded week. And each month I’m convinced it’s for real. It’s only until the following week, when dear Aunt Flo is actually visiting, that I step back and le sigh – realize that my life in fact was not crumbling before my own eyes the week prior.

Hmmm. So those are just a few of those ‘these could be very difficult to avoid’ type goals, but announcing my goals to the world is a start! And admitting something is the first step to recovery right?

I GET IT! I have all of the symptoms (less the peeping Tom, throwing drinks, punching and kicking) of crazy, psycho, paranoid, jealous girlfriend syndrome! I admit it. That ain’t never been my problem! My problem, clearly, is stopping. So this year is the year. My beloved beau is more beloved than ever, and it has become more clear than ever – that this crazy, psycho, paranoid, jealous girlfriend syndrome is entirely unnecessary. I love you, you love me. That’s enough.

So shed my craziness! Shed the crazy, psycho, paranoid, jealous girlfriend syndrome. A healthy relationship is the only way to love. This much I am sure.

Cheers to my beloved beau, these ones are all for you.

Whitney

Right alongside my urge to create (read sew!) my Halloween costume this year, is my desire to send out handmade Christmas cards to a few of my dear loves: the Gibs. As I’m too young to send my own “Merry Christmas from our little family” cards, adorned with a picture of the beau and me, and I’m too old to have a say in my parents’ annual mass mailing of Christmas cards, I’m left with the option of making and mailing my own.

So tonight after work I took a trip down Beacon Street to Paper Source.  Paper Source is my heaven, in case you don’t know.  My happy place, my nirvana! Anyways, I choose a few pieces of adorable patterned paper, ribbon, stamps and ink. I have my scissors and glue and tape, and now off I go. Pictures of the final products to come!

Cheers to not getting my Christmas cards out on time! (Whoops)

Just to keep going with this ‘a whole new world‘ mood, I thought I’d pledge my sincerity – a little way to hold me accountable for the change I need even more than I’d like. Lululemon’s website (I promise I’ll talk about more than Lululemon) is sharing this idea of one’s wishlist turned will list. With Christmas right around the corner I think I’ll jump on board – or at least start my list.

• I will apply to the Junior League of Boston
• I will run in both a 5k and 10k road race
• I will finally attend a Boston Cares new volunteer orientation meeting
• and subsequently I will begin volunteering at least once a month
• I will step back from each argument with my boyfriend and count to 10
• meaning I will engage in nearly 95% less arguments than the last year
• I will drink water (from the tap) every single day
• and therefore I will enjoy feeling hydrated, less tired and happier!
• I will purchase a sewing machine, and use it
• I will successfully and with great enthusiasm, tackle my book list
• (…to be continued)

Cheers to me, I wish I may, I wish I will!

Whitney

I think it’s rather appropriate that my first official entry be inspired by a culture that first caught my attention while riding a Green Line train home from work. I sat in a single seat, positioned awkwardly perpendicular to the length of the train – one of the single seats that is positioned directly across from another single seat – so that you sit, face to face with a stranger, for the entirety of your commute. On that given day the woman across from me was busy. Busy talking to her companion who was juggling her attention between one conversation and three small children. Her stroller was hidden amongst a half dozen shopping bags and both ladies held Venti sized Starbucks coffee cups in their hands.

Who drinks a Venti at 6pm?

I suppose two middle aged women with three small children and a serious shopping habit drink Venti coffees at 6pm.

Anyways – one bag in particular caught my eye. It was bright red, collaged with mismatched fonts and different sized words, phrases, mantras. The bag was from Lululemon. I haven’t stopped thinking about the Lululemon manifesto. To say that its words spoke what my heart has felt and tried –with little luck– to articulate for years is an understatement. To say that it inspires me, does its purpose an injustice. It has moved me, and given me glimmer of hope ever since that day on the train.

But what it has yet to do is motivate me. What I often will and think and feel: I do not do. So with the start of this blog, an the impeding new year – here I am promising myself that I will start. I will start doing all the things I’ve always wanted to do, the things I’ve told myself I ought to do, and the things that I’ve always known I should be doing (including all of those pesky little things that Mum always said to do).

I will start to do what the Lululemon mission says it does. Lululemon is busy every second of every day creating components for people to live a longer, healthier, more fun life. Heck, my life too deserves to be long, healthy and fun. Certainly longer, healthier and more fun than it is currently was destined to be. So hallelujah, call the press. I’m ready to stop being the pessimistic pain in the ass I’ve always been. I can’t wait to leave the soul behind that clung to pain, held on to regret, chose not to find forgiveness and most importantly refused to accept, acknowledge and appreciate happiness when it was staring me right in the f’ing face.

Cheers, world.

Whitney