The debate has begun.  Do BF and I move from the big city of Boston to our hometown of Portland?  Or does BF move to hometown while I stay in Boston? (Nooo!)  Do we both stay in Boston for the indefinite future and wait until we’re married with kids to move to Portland?  These are the questions that are now officially consuming my life.

Since BF and I met, and subsequently became serious, we’ve agreed that we want to raise our family in the Greater Portland area.  The ocean, the islands,  museums, cafes, art galleries, restaurants, farmers markets, public parks, the schools, the sports community.  My admiration of Portland, and Maine in general is unbounded.  Seriously.

So why then, do I buy into the stigma of “moving home”?  At what point in one’s life does “moving home” no longer mean failing, giving up on bigger and better things?  Why will my friends fail to believe that bigger and better things for me may actually be in Portland?   And most importantly, why am I letting that influence my decision?

My desire to move home, and to move home so suddenly, is going to shock most anyone that I tell.  But the move really just makes sense.  I’m starting to realize that there is nothing holding me close to Boston.  There really is no reason why I choose to renew my lease each year, or why I chose not to travel elsewhere after college.  The only thing I can come up with is that it’s ‘comfortable.’  And to be frank, it’s just easier to stay put than to relocate.

But moving home will be even more ‘comfortable,’ right?   On one hand, yes, it might be.  But I’ve been gone 6 years now and although I know the bars like the back of my hand, I haven’t lived in Portland as an adult.   I haven’t made a life there for myself since I was in high school.  I want to join a kickball league and go to a happy hour at RiRa’s and meet a friend on Commerical St. for lunch.  And even though I could do these sorts of things in Boston, the point is that I don’t.  I haven’t, and probably will continue not to do so.  Am I just lazy?  Broke?  Or friendless?  I want to say none of the above.  There’s just something about living here that is so exhausting in itself, that it’s all I do.  I work, go home, eat, sleep, repeat.  On the weekends I go out.   And when I do make ‘fun’ plans, they all originate from Portland.  And that means I have to drive 2 hours north first.  In the summers I want to go to the islands or go to the lake without having to drive two hours first.  And in the winters I want Sugarloaf to be 2 hours away, not 4.

There’s something to be said for making a life of your own.  And while I fully respect people that successfully and happily do this in a new and unfamiliar place, who’s to say I can’t do it just as successfully and just as happily in the same town that I was raised?

I should mention that all of this is dependent on a job.  BF and I are beginning to talk to a few people, scope out the work scene up there, and I will not move home – unless I have a job.  That being said, if I were to get an offer in Portland tomorrow – I can’t say I’d move.  How am I going to figure this out?